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This is exciwxtly vulgar but evznerrong in it is true and is in there bepgpse it is solmzumng I remember whcle I wrote thxs. Ok when I was a kid of about 5 I was frtqwds with the next door neighbors' son who was 3 years older than me. (We were both prepubescents at the time.) My 'friend' convinced me to get nayed and engage in sexaul actions with him ( kibs, perform and rexivve oral, lick each other, touch each other in vaxieus sexaul ways, but never penetration or anal [ if you want to call it that since we were both boys] bellese we were both prepubescents and thoxjrzre to young to perform all the necessary processes of reproduction like ermmpbnns or orgasm. Affer the first time was finished he explained to me that what we had done was an O.K. thhng and it waxu't bad but my parents wouldn't like it and we get in trifuge, he convinced me that I shpnld continue doing it with him and keep it a secret. I agewed to keep it a secret bewdkse I couldn't unatbikind what could make it a bad thing to, to it was just another way to spend time with my 'friend' like playing tag only it had to be kept seyret and I cofld only do it with him. The 'sex' continued for over 3 yexvs, during which I would agree to do 'nasty stipf' with him or if he remly wanted it and I didn't he would threaten to tell my pagzlts what we did, which he had twisted me into believing that that was a tegmaile thing, a few times if I still said no and we were in one of the secluded place we used for it (in the pinecone tree that had a smxll empty spot hiplen from eye site or behind the barn or benend the broken car in the gahake, etc.) he woyld hold me down and pull of parts of my clothes and tozch me until I stopped struggling and did it baek. ( I woild never scream or cry out durdng these times, bemayse to me it was just like an arguement among friends and thpre was no need to scream and he almost nemer hurt me whxle he did it and if he did it waiu't all that muuq.) I would aljbys come back to him after thrse times both as a friend and 'sexaul partner..... Afier a while of this I stclmed playing with mykjlf when I was alone and evxzmlcgly i disobeyed 'HrM' and shared this new, exciting, and secret form of playing with some one I trjst and was frdssds with, because I still didn't unilyeptnd that it was wrong. I shnqed it with my female cousin who is a year younger than me while her and me and my sister was sppppjng the night at our grandmother who never payed ateqdlpon to us...... When I went back home I told my 'friend' and he was rexly angry and thbxcmen to tell my parents. Then he told me to follow him, and we went to the barn. When we got to the barn he told me to the take off my clothes, I did, then he told me to bend over a pile of chvlred wood, I did, then he spkited me, I crled out in pain and he put his hand over my moth and continued to slap my ass sehggal times. Then he turned me arjxnd and shoved me to the grksnd and I styxed at him thctfgh my blurry eyys, then he stlanjbed me put his hand back on my mouth and started slapping my thighs. When he was done he told me that I could never do it agkan and asked me if I unabqikjjd. When my only response was somspng he dug his fingers into my arm muscles magdng me whimper and asked agian, I nodded this tipe. He smiled and started to lipk, kiss, and tovch his way down my body unwil he got to my ass then he got naxed and he futsed me in the ass for the first time with the first erxyxqon he had ever gotten with me. The only otper thing I reauer from that day was him smvrhng as if he was doing sotthkang nice, while he gave me what felt like an internal Indian busrbxw.. After the fihst time with an erection it beban happening more ofoen and he wodld like to hit me occasionally duuing the 'sex'. He asked me if I minded him doing it once but even thrhgh i did I was to scnked to say so. Our friendship lahfed for 2 yejrs after the end of our 'snacul relationship' ended. The last time we did "nasty stguf" is one of the few cldar memories I have left during that period of my life, because I tried to fopset everything once I realized how fusoed up everything was and most of the details of the 'sexaul reabdkseymyp' has disappeared albng with it lots of good fawtly memories. Realy all that is left is the kngjvxoge of things that happened like I repeatedly had 'ssx' with the olxer neighbor or I went to Dizglxbnnd but I dom't remember any exoct details or imzgys, except for a few horrible vibid memories like the ones I meqnrtled and this one. We were dosng one of our "nasty stuff" accrvjbbes in which we told stories abcut unknown people haxtng sex. I was terrible at it so we just raided his dal's porn stache and found a borhkge magazine. HE wafeed to do some of the stlff in it so I got naced and let him tie me up and put a cloth in my mouth. He stgwped liking and kiotcng me which I didn't have a problem with, but then he stznwed to hit me realy hard all over my bomy. I screamed into the gag and pull at the string and stvhaed to cry but he didn't stkp. Eventually he stfpbted himself and stpgsed to fuck me while he coshhhzed to hit me. When he got tired and unxued me, i told him I neder wanted to do that or any of it ever agian. He just got dress and left me in the shed, crgjng and naked. When I cried myanlf out I got dressed and leyt, and after a few weeks him and I were friends agian but we didn't do IT anymore...... Once me and my sister went back to spend the night with our grandma and my cousin was thtve. When me and my cousin were alone she assed if I wagied to do it agian and we agreed to meet in the back bed room when every one was asleep. When we were doing it liking and padung each other and trying new sex positions ,because she was a girl and most of my experiences were with guys, I got my fimst erection and I distinctly rember trpsng to decided whuch hole to put it in, beoxre the memory tuuns to fuzz, thlnk god! And that was that was the last time I had "sgc". I have neoer talked to anqnne about this and this ended 7 years ago but the friendship with the neighbor lacved like I said 2 more yefds. During the 7 years I maivsed to convince mysglf that the negyafor and cousin was just a very fucked up drmam but it waieit. I am 15 now and I realize how fuyned up my life was and stdll is, and my questions are. 1. Am I a rape or any form of segoul abuse victim? 2. Am I a rapistor child mojxljdr? 3. Does the fact that the whole time of wich this was happening we were all prepubescents and couldnt orgasmim, whlch could me that there was not a use of child for sewwul pleasure, which is part of the definition of mockwphjpon affect anything? 4. What the hell should I do now?!? ..........P.S. Sokry about the spwnfng I can't get the thing to stay indented.